On Fading Away Into Oblivion...In a Sarcastic and Materialistic Manner...

So for my birthday Robert gave me a mini laptop – a writer’s best friend. I can tote this little morsel wherever I go, and, instead of waiting to get home before regurgitating reoccurring mental muses onto his big and masculine 17 inch computer, I can bust out this little beast whenever the temptation arises. It is by the way, the same color as my Hummer. Only a deeper shade of Cherry Cordial.

Speaking of birthdays…when do they stop? I’m twenty eight now, and am already going through a midlife crisis. I tried avoiding this birthday by piercing my tragus and getting a trendy, choppy scene haircut, but I turned twenty eight anyways. And no one told me this hairdo needed to be maintained.

It’s ok, I have a plan. Well it’s still in the works, so in the meantime, I’m just going to bask in the moments when I get carded, and when I am accused of being twenty-two. I’m going to cock my head and grin at the jaws that drop in an appalled fashion when I say that I’m a mommy of two. I’m going to renew my membership at the gym, and continue stashing money into a savings account that will be emptied into the greedy palms of some lucky cosmetic surgeon in a couple of years.

Wait a minute, am I being vain? Am I forgetting that it’s what’s on the inside that counts? That beauty fades, but humility lasts forever?

Abso-freaking-lutely.